So far...

I'm not a doctor. I'm not a nutritionist.

However, I know me. Better than anyone else. Except maybe my mother, of course, who claims to know me even better.

I know what I can live with and what I can live without.

I know why I've gained weight. 

Cutting down all the nonsense, I know what it leaves me with.

I'm lazy.

I don't like to exercise, I don't like to worry about cooking. Picking up McDonalds is so much easier than rummaging through the fridge. At least for me. The idea of working out is not one that goes through my mind often. When it does, I tend to shoo it away. Also, I love cake. Breads of any kind really. 

So now I have to find a balance.

I've already lost weight. 15.4 pounds to be exact. 

My first change was to cut out soda. Less than a year ago I decided to "stop drinking my calories." I think I read that somewhere, not sure. It helped me not gain weight. My body had been stuck somewhere in the neighborhood of 260-264 pounds. In a way I feel like that alone was an accomplishment. For almost a year I didn't GAIN weight! It may seem silly, but being able to wear the same clothes from one winter to the next is not something I remember doing before. Typically, and definitely in the last 7-10 years, I would have outgrown my clothes before the season repeated itself. 

Just 8 days ago, and yes, of course, it landed on a Monday, I decided would be the first day of actual progress. It is no longer ok, to just not gain weight. I have to actually lose weight. I loosely followed a diet plan I found on the Whole Foods website. My plan was to follow that meal plan for 5 days and then I would go on a juice fast the following 2 weeks. 

Bad plan.

As it turns out, going on a juice fast is not easy. Ha! and I thought it would be. My mind likes to trick me sometimes. I love juice and most vegetables are ok in my book. The tough part is the hunger. For two days I followed the plan. Then I thought, haven't I always read that on a diet you shouldn't ever feel hungry or deprived. So, I ate a salad. Small salad, about 100 calories or so. Yet I suddenly felt alive again. So, juicing is just not for me. 

I'll find something that works. 

For now, I'm counting calories. I would prefer a specific meal plan. See, I love lists, I love making lists, I love having lists for just about everything. A meal plan looks like a list. You eat, you cross it off, you wait for the next time you have to eat, you eat, you cross it off, and so on. I'm thinking about turning calorie counting into a list. List my allowed calories and just deduct as the day goes on. I'm still not sure how I will go about this. I do know that this time it's different. This time I want it more than ever before. I have to succeed.